Suggestions for improvement for my application letter (no proofreading)?

I tried to build my application on this template, but I did not quite succeed:

https://www.lehrstellenportal.at/media/3803/bewerbungsschreiben_kraftfahrzeugtechniker_anleitung.pdf

At the beginning I used many phrases and example sentences from the internet. However, the more I informed myself, the more of these sentences I omitted and formulated myself.

I tried to stay as honest and authentic as possible… I copied two sentences (in bold) from the internet and the rest is written by myself.

I have changed the introduction several times, every time I found the perfect introduction from the internet, I could not identify with it and I kept looking for new introductory sentences… And then I just put it myself, honestly and authentically…

Maybe you have suggestions for improvement (no proofreading)

Dear Mrs. Kofler,

In my environment, I have informed myself about several companies and made contact with them. However, due to the proximity of your vocational school and your company to my home, I have decided to take my education with you.

I love the manual work and since I have the driver's license, the technology and electronics of a car interest me more than ever. In addition, I like to take on responsible work and to have a varied professional life with different tasks.

Until September 2018 I visited the commercial academy in Vienna. After school I allowed myself a short break. In my spare time, I often repair laptops and computers from friends and acquaintances. Now I want to invest this passion in the electronics and technology of a car.

I'm glad to be able to prove to you my commitment and competences during a trial day.

"In my area, I have informed myself about several companies and made contact with them, but because of the proximity of your vocational school and your company to my house, I have decided to take my education."

Sounds like you've selected the farm just for closeness and not because you can identify with the operation. Sounds not very good in my opinion.

Otherwise it sounds very interesting.

Yes, I've already thought, the introduction will have to change something