I'm currently sitting at the university and am exhausted. This exhaustion has been going on for over 8 weeks and slowly I'm going crazy.
About 8 weeks ago, my boyfriend and I moved into a shared apartment, closer to the university, cheaper rent - actually a dream. We have 2 rooms, a living room and a bedroom with a large double bed. From my old apartment my friend brought a large desk plus PC, a TV and a laptop. At the beginning, all three devices were in the living room, now the PC with the desk in the bedroom. My friend is a gamer, that's what he prefers to do, it's his hobby and so he's very often on the PC.
Already in the first week it started that I did not come to rest in the apartment and soon after I slept worse and worse. It slowly but surely developed a real sleep problem with all the trimmings: awake all night, tingling legs and then go to panic fear to sleep (and then it can't). The diagnosis of a friend was that I had no room for myself in the apartment. And yes, that's how I felt a bit. My friend is 90% of his time in our apartment, he has no hobbies and has no friends in our study place. The PC and a big grass cloud are his passion. So if he had his big headphones in the living room and was sitting in front of the PC, then he did not get the world around him. The clatter of the keyboard and the mouse around it all the more. So, the PC was shipped to the bedroom, which gives me at least the opportunity to have room in the living room for me and peace and relaxation. However, the sleep problem is still present. So many nights I slept alone in the living room, either on a mattress on the floor or on the sofa.
Last night I watched a little TV and slowly got used to the idea to go to bed and tried to come down. Then I'm in the bedroom, where my friend was sitting on the PC and was on the gamen. I went to bed and read an article for another 20 minutes and then tried to fall asleep. However, the clatter of the keyboard and the light caused panic in me and I packed my things and said that I would go into the living room. Then he got angry and said he was done in 5 minutes and now I should banish this idea in my head, it was all mental and so on. Then I took a sleeping pill and eventually fell asleep at 3 o'clock, next to him. I do not know what it's all about, but I'm terrified I'll have a sleep problem all my life and I can't help anymore.
Please, if anyone has an idea, just bring it along, I'm very desperate.
You sigh… It's understandable that you can't fall asleep this way and that has nothing to do with your psyche but the ruthlessness of your friend.
It's ok if he is allowed to play, you seem very tolerant. But with such limited space, you should arrange a night's sleep time, where no more is played and you can turn off the lights in the bedroom.
That may be plus / minus 23.00 … He does not necessarily have to go to bed but give you your sleep and quietly busy in the living room, read, etc.
In a partnership or just living together you have to take into account and seek compromises.
Currently, only you have been looking for compromise, so you adapted to his addictions. That would be no problem if you had a room more available, this topic would not be on the table.
But this is about your health and well-being, if he does this just to satisfy his desires, then it would be worth considering whether he does not have a definitely serious problem with gambling addiction or is a total egotist.
The first could be solved, the second not.
I hope he shows up understandably and no, the sleep disorders you will not have long with a changed situation and certainly not always.
However, please do not take sleeping pills anymore, because they could really cause long-term disturbances. Prefer to drink a few drops of valerian in a glass of lukewarm water.
All love you.
You not only have no room on your own where you can absolutely relax, you are also incessantly exposed to the radiation that these devices give off. The noise even though you have to sleep urgently. In addition the grass air and finally a charisma of your friend who has nothing to do with his life but to sink into his fantasy world. And since you moved together since you have the problem. In addition to that he wants to tell you it would be your Psyche.Was radiation can be found on google,
As your description reads, you seem to have no similarities except maybe the one. Because as gamer on it knows, because I also know one. And for him that's his life. Of course, not everyone is the same, but a hobby that degenerates little time for a real relationship.
My advice, if you do not want to marry him anyway, then free yourself from this situation before you get really sick. Without sound sleep you can't work normally. Or if you have a cellar, he should make his games there.
The whole charisma of your friend including the equipment all the time will do you anything but good. You will never rest with him.
He will not pay any attention because he has nothing else to do but his games. He has his own problem but he does not consider that a problem. But basically, he is dodging his life into these games.
If you only have that radiance around you all the time, it's not healthy.
You will be much better if you have a quiet place again without this theater. Who needs something like that, honest? The whole sitting around behind the thing and something to reinziehen. Totally different world and far away from reality and you in the middle of it. Even if you just want to sleep.
Well-intentioned advice, disconnect yourself from this situation, because you certainly do not need that in your life. On the contrary. Love also looks quite different from I would say. Should he but pull together with another gamer.
It feels good, but it also hurts to read it. Because on the one hand he is an amazingly great person but on the other hand he does not understand what it means to compromise.
I think about whether I should first put a day bed in the living room, or whether we completely divide the rooms. In Berlin, finding an apartment is not so easy, so I'll have to temporarily solve the situation for now.
Thank you for your insightful message, that helped me a lot.
All the best!
Thank you, for your dear message. With the sleeping pills you are very right, I'm not a proponent of it. With valerian I will try to come down for a few nights. Maybe it is also connected with swimming in the evening I thought so. I'll have to talk to him, but he shut down completely and it's hardly possible to get any annoyed reaction out of him.
I think that's good, I mean that you take the problem of sleeping pills seriously. Sadly, however, I find that your friend reacts irritated to this topic, because you seem to be a clear, calm personality… Just as you describe your problem.
So it may well be that he really has a gambling addiction when he reacts so annoyed to this topic. Because even if I like to do handicrafts and I can do this in the middle of the night, because we live in a house in the Pampas, I would never think of it, if my partner wants to sleep.
I would understand him if he tells me that I disturb him in his sleep.
Therefore, if he reacts again annoyed… Then ask him if he is just selfish or at the most addicted, that he puts the game in front of you and does not see that this is about your substance and most of all it is so that you him Do not want to take anything away but you also have normal needs.
Because I understand you, I can't fall asleep with light and then it is probably still nervous flickering. But you have to be fit and receptive again in the morning.
Is he studying too? He could then if sleep is easy to learn, would be useful. First, gamble down and then learn or even better and more relaxing would be to crawl to you in bed.
I was also addicted to chatting and set up the computer so that he just drove down at 2.00 … At that time drove so I (chauffeur) until 23.30 and then I had often lost too long in the chat, you can't tell when it sweeps and is funny. It was only about the joke and if just experts were also on the road I lost space and time. That's why I built this chicane.
Half of the respondents should be ashamed. The esoteric lotto number joey advises against radiation and the next three for separation on the basis of two pieces of information after the friend is demonized. That you suffer from insomnia is terrible and of course your friend must not get angry at such a topic but MUST compromise. For example, bring some of the concrete compromises to him, for example, as someone else has said, no pc after 23 o'clock. For sure, he prefers to adapt rather than leave you alone with your insomnia or even lose yourself. You are not sick and you will not be sleepless for much longer. If I understand correctly, it seems so far only one time that your friend was on the pc in the bedroom while you wanted to sleep. This is of course ruthless and he should refrain. In addition, it seems to me that you are just fundamentally dissatisfied with what your friend is for a human, which in turn should not affect your sleep. Talk to him concretely about what you want him to do because he does not seem to be the most socially balanced and he may lack the talent to come up with what you need right now. Since you are (understandably) very unhappy, he must be that if you do not care (and that's not what I read from your description). You will have already known your friend before moving in and you have to sleep with each other (easily?) I suppose. Accordingly I do not want to say it would be the fault of your psyche but a basic satisfaction that will not be addressed. A room separation Seems to be a good idea, because it has a lot of pressure on you anyway something should happen and your friends on it actually angry and defensive react (which I can imagine badly because he certainly does not want to continue this way!) then you have your answer.
A lot of luck and success, and most importantly: with easy adjustment of the environmental conditions, I guarantee you that you can sleep again!
Thank you for your caring message. Yes, I knew my friend before that, even a while. At the beginning we were friends and often with him in the apartment and I have both as a non-girlfriend and as a friend like and often slept with him. With the new apartment came the sleep problem. I was probably unaware of how much I used my apartment as a retreat. And yes of course it makes him feel bad, I can see him how sad he is with the situation. He recently suggested taking off, which of course made me very sad. Never would I have thought that it would be so difficult with both of us.
At times, as I said, I'll have to rethink things and change a few things. And then I hope you are right and I can sleep normally again. All the best and many thanks!
You'll find a solution. As a test to divide the room is ever worth the try. Perhaps it works yes. Compromises should be from his side but already in it. If he does not want that, it would be selfish.
But basically you both suffer from the situation.
