I (20) have the problem that my sister (8) talks to me like an antisocial.
Now, it's true that over the Christmas holidays you spend time with your family, whether you like it or not. Actually, that would not be a problem if my sister was not so naughty.
She is the only one dear to my stepfather (her father) but she is really sick of my mother and me. Only my mother seems to ignore it somehow and in the end I'm always to blame.
For example, did my stepfather let her have her laptop this morning, on the condition that she should turn it off after half an hour, even if he is not home anymore. She lied to us, she would not sit so long. In the end she sat for 3 hours and you could only get her away from it by snatching her laptop. This was followed by kicks and gross offenses on their part. My mother had as always an excuse for her behavior a la "yes she has just as the school…". In the end I got into trouble with our mother just because I said I should not forget that she is only 8 years old and can't talk in such a tone here. So now I'm sitting in the room because I was expelled from the living room and my raunchy sister is sitting there eating biscuits.
Besides, she often forbids me to say the word (shut up, shut up) or say something like "do not mix up" when we talk about things at the dining room table that are not even about them but about everyone. My parents always pretend they did not hear anything when she talks like that again but I get in trouble when I get home just 2 minutes late.
Moreover, she lies every day without even feeling a little shame and she steals things from me and my mother without asking. But she has never got in trouble. Even if she lies and it flies on, nothing happens. Even if I did not come to harm because of the lie. (She claims to have beaten or pushed her, though I did not even touch her.)
Am I in the wrong movie? What should I do? I'm getting the crisis here… And I can't get away either.
Well, first of all to your sister: I would stay out of it completely! Everything that has to do with your sister is only a concern for your parents. Act as if she were an only child. You are not responsible for her. Should she sit on the laptop for a long time, that's not your problem!
Then I would in a quiet minute, maybe planned (ask before) talk to your parents and CONCERT questions: If we discuss this and that topic in the WZ like the other day and X says I should be quiet, what should I do? What would you do in my place then?
Personally, I would do the following:
For a long time, maybe a month or more, not even talking, if the sister is there and only talking when I'm alone with the parents. Possibly. That in between times tell the parents (as info). Prepare me something nice in the room (hobby, nice environment), so that I feel comfortable there and I do not mind if I'm not in the living room.
Experiences with my own brother:
He had Down syndrome, so there were almost no rules and many exceptions. At first I always struggled for attention, later I was then for several reasons his "Vetraute" (he told me his problems at school, etc., which took a long time due to the disability and I was almost his mouthpiece) and I then caught to simply accept that he always had to decide everything and even to enforce it with my parents or to speak for him ("we can't go to a movie he did not choose because he does not understand it and then feels reset "etc.). After some time, my parents repeatedly told me to speak for me!
So if you enter long enough for your sister, it may be that your parents notice that and pay more attention to YOUR needs. This is done in small steps: first make sure that she tells the school that she has her favorite food, etc. On the table, emphasizing what she has got beautiful (and has given) for Christmas, ask what she wants to do together if she still has a desire - and have patience. After some time you will notice and your parents too! Who complains, is perceived rather as a disruptive factor and one thinks less about his words. Make small things for her, but do not bother you, sometimes tidy up her things (5 min), ask her something uninterrupted, interested in her daily routine, etc. Initially, she will be glad, then she might ask what she is does for you (but that may take). Your parents will notice it positively and praise you and, if necessary, say you do not have to do so much for your sister, which sometimes draws your attention to you.
Imagine that your sister is 3 years old. Then you would let her go through a lot. So, you're not direct competitors, she's "the little one", you're so grown up that you can respond to her, because you know she needs it (while talking to your parents, if she is not there / sleeps etc.).
Do NOT start a fight - who starts a dispute among siblings is often seen by parents as the culprit or "attacker".
Apologize to her (though that's not necessary from your point of view). Ignore completely when she tries to look down on you.
By the way: Kicks etc.: That has two reasons. Once the age - the impulse control is not yet fully developed. And then everyone gets angry when you pull him out of a concentration phase. Therefore, "half an hour on the laptop" in my view, not a good idea, would be better "make XY s.Laptop until it is over", so play a game, watch a video, research a thing, the latest article on page… Read etc. Better than "laptop off!" is also "make it so in 5 minutes the laptop off", then you can finish his case.
Write with your girlfriends, engage with your hobbies - distract yourself, do not concentrate so much on the provocations with your sister!
By the way: Big misunderstanding: You do not have to play replacement mum for your sister! Often you think that. You try to bring out the age difference, you think you have to be much better, you have to know everything, you have to "steer". This usually never works. Give that
Actually, I try not to interfere at all in the education but I get so for 2-3 years always for their actions trouble and since then I'm just angry.
And if I'm to take care of her when no one is there, then she has to listen to me. If you let her do whatever she wants, then she does not eat lunch or dinner, only chips and sits at the laptop or longer for 6 hours.
I just let them do it because I was too stupid. Was not right. And if I look at her is not right.
The other thing is me, too, that she is allowed to order me around according to my parents (Bring me a glass of water, right now!) And if I do not jump, it'll be worse for my parents.
Tasha, super written, that's how I see it too 👍
What do you want there?
Of course your sister does not have that from the school, but from her parents.
If you are expelled from the room as a 20-year-old, there's no point in staying there.
Look for friends who value you, you do not have to do this to you.
The parents make you realize that you will never have the status of your little sister. So again, what's stopping you?
That's one thing - "take care of them". One often understands this: To be completely responsible for all their actions, to control them, etc. This works as a sister NIE, because the little sister knows, of course, that you firstly "child" (your parents) and secondly, consciously want to prevent you suddenly have "power" over her. Watch out = just be there for emergencies. Take care that nothing happens.
Tell your parents exactly how the situations are going, say that you are there, but do not direct anything and pretend nothing (bedtime, etc.). If they ask you to, or ask that you play with them, etc., ask KONKRET how to do that, especially if she refuses. Ask what you should do if you deliberately sabotage the thing, like leaving the house or breaking something. Ask specifically what your parents expect from you.
I had such a situation with my brother when he was about 8 (but more by development 4) and me 12. My parents were on a parenting evening and we should take care of him, but he wanted to go find them - we spent the evening with it to sit in front of the front door so he does not run out into the night (keys had my parents and door was open). After that, we did not have to take care of him for a long time, because it was clear that we could hardly prevent him from running away.
Ask your parents in the presence of your sister, how they imagine watching and what YOU think about it. What you should do in concrete terms, what your responsibility is and what yours and what you should do if you do not keep your part. Ask sometimes in her presence, if she behaves so and so towards you, if that would not be worrying, because then she could behave so also to older siblings of her friends, trainee teachers, etc!
PS
Read these and similar articles, also posts on education-online (there you can also register and ask questions):
https://www.gewuenschtestes-wunschkind.de/2016/05/mein-kind-ist-frech-ungezogen-und-provoziert-was-passiert-wenn-kinder-zu-viel-kooperieren-teil-3.html
The financial aspect, since I catch up with my Fachabi and have no money. That holds me there.
I have friends that value me (what does that have to do with it?).
Only over Christmas I can easily dodge myself and hang out with the families of my circle of friends.
If your parents appreciated you, they would not even think of treating you that way.
We would never have allowed our youngest daughter, even a latecomer, to act like that to her big brothers and sisters.
To send a 20-year-old out of the room, I find it strange to say the least…
Sorry, your parents have another clap. They simply refuse to educate their child and others are allowed to pay for it.
Absolutely terrible what they do to your sister with it.
If I understand correctly, you are a patchwork family.
Because the problem would be deeper. Your stepsister has her own experiences with a separation family. The can refuse to deny, love withdrawal, pampering etc. Etc. His. She has had to acquire survival tactics.
However, the solution can and should be as usual with adult parents!
Your parents need to talk about it and not dive as you write between the lines (for example, at the table). But you should not talk about it in front of the little ones.
Your little sister has managed to recognize the tactic with which she can bring you to the palm and your parents to desired behaviors:
You can only try to take the wind out of your sails with your own new behavior. Above all: Do not be angry if possible! See the clashes with her as an opportunity to train for serenity and demarcation.
The behavior of your sister is not your concern, but your parents all the more: There's the solution! All the best and success!
