So I've been suffering from depression for years, was already in therapy in 2018, but was discharged when I was supplied with sertraline.
Problem with the whole. I couldn't take the tablets in the long run and they really didn't help.
2019 was a pretty good year in itself. I've done a lot and also worked a lot. A friend, so to speak, always pulled me along with the work that came up. (Working on my sister's yard) My day was completely planned and even if something was different, it didn't throw me off course.
In December 2019 my sister's ex boyfriend left (10 years older and more like a big brother to me) since then it has been very chaotic.
My sister needed me not to sink into a deep, but I already noticed there that I was getting worse again.
I no longer pursued my interests but those of my sister.
At some point I only did what she wanted and if I didn't do that, she threatened to kick me out, so to speak (the house is hers)
I became more and more unproductive, hardly did anything and so there were more and more arguments, every day and always with the same end, she wants me to disappear from her life.
My family has always held together well, because we all help out at my sister's stables. But now it's getting worse.
I also lost my best friend in 2020 because he couldn't cope with the fact that I met a man.
My grandma has a difficult need for care due to a failed operation.
Instead of sticking together as a family after all, nothing happens anymore.
There's still a lot of work that needs to be done, but my sister always says that I should move the horses, create the sales advertisements, take on the riding lessons, but at the same time I started a second training and am actually busy enough.
Self-injurious behavior, I get aggressive, I'm dejected, depression is up and now it's harder than ever.
I know that I feel better when I have a regular daily routine and I also know that my life is controlled by my sister. But I don't know how to get out of it. My family is of the opinion that they will send me to a clinic and everything will be fine afterwards, they want me to jump and I do it because I'm dependent on them. I've wanted to move out several times, but with the second training, I just don't have enough money for it.
The start of therapy June 1st (outpatient)
While I have online classes, I'm supposed to keep my laptop running and do the stable outside. No matter how often I explain that it doesn't work, she doesn't care.
At the moment I just don't know where to go and back.
So I've been suffering from depression for years, was already in therapy in 2018, but was discharged when I was supplied with sertraline.
There are many other antidepressants available. Maybe just try them out? The best way to do this is to go to a specialist in psychiatry (psychiatrist) who knows which drugs are suitable and in which order they should be tried.
How old are you? I need that to give you tips!
I'm not a fan of psychiatric drugs, but there are tons of other anti-depressants out there that may help you out of the depths. You can also let them creep in on an outpatient basis if you don't want to go to the clinic again.
I know that anti-depressants hardly help (it is the same with neuroleptics), but they say that they dampen aggressive behavior and that helps a little to regulate yourself.
I remember St. John's wort. It is a herbal anti-depressant. But only works with mild depression.
Wishing you all the best!
Maybe a clinic is the right approach first.
You recognize quite correctly that life with your sister is a large part of your problems. A clinic can help you make a cut and start your own life.
There you can concentrate fully on what you want, where you want to go and what options (e.g. Financial aid) you are entitled to and can use.
For now, leave your family completely outside and take care of you and your life.
Medication doesn't always have to be involved. I have been almost seizure free for almost 5 years. I learned in the clinic to recognize the signs and to prepare. I know that is trite, but "If you are really ready to change something, only then can you be helped".
Many clinics have free capacity for emergencies. Talk to your GP. He can best judge whether this emergency exists.
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If I may briefly summarize:
If you don't do what your sister tells you, she threatens you to be expelled. You are not allowed to pursue your professional goals any further. You are being exploited and you are depressed.
1st tip:
How about inpatient therapy for you? It is not your family that determines it, but you should decide! It is not I who decide, but you! This is the way out of depression!
If I were you, I would contact my general practitioner and discuss this with them and get me a referral slip for a psychosomatic clinic.
I was already in psychiatry and in psychosomatic medicine and the psychosomatic medicine could help me much better!
Why to a clinic:
Time out from your family and to come to again.
Therapies for those against depression, a helping.
There's a social service there. He can't work miracles either, but maybe he knows the way.
You are isolated from your family and they won't find out anything if you want to.
Personally, I would start my own business and look for ways to get away from the family.
Tip 2.
Have a look if there isn't a social counseling service in your area? This could help you find ways to move out of your home.
Tip 3.
In your place, I would check your beginning therapy to see whether it is behavioral therapy or group therapy and not a deep psychological one because you currently need support if there are deeper causes, you can do that afterwards.
You are a valuable person and I wish you a speedy recovery
