I have a friend since November 14th, 2020. In the beginning it was just great, we went for a walk and he didn't have much contact with my foster parents (my sister and brother-in-law) and then he came to us more and more often and there were also conversations between my foster parents and him where I wasn't there was, otherwise I would have said no to these conversations. He knows things that he should rather only find out from me, but it didn't come to that, my sister always does things I don't want, in addition to that I have seen that he has the number from my sister, for allegedly Emergencies, I said that I don't want him to have the number, I've already told my sister that too. But they just don't want to hear, but well that's not my question. Oh yes, I'm 19.
So my question is…
How can I give my boyfriend more freedom, I'm very attached to him and would like to cuddle permanently (it didn't come to the other one, because I'm not ready for it yet and it's too early for me). I'm very clingy because of my past and want to cuddle, write and call with him permanently. But I think I'm pushing him too hard. Most of the time I sit on the laptop when he's with me and pays me little attention and then he says so he can calm down, I'll put up with it, but I'm probably still too clingy to him, how can I change it. And I have the feeling that I'm boring him, because I don't want to have a certain topic yet, what can I do. He said he was patient but I wonder how long I can keep him waiting. Would appreciate answers.
You can change it by finding a friend to cuddle with, not one who cares more about the pc than you. But that includes healthy self-confidence. Do you have that? If not, about you in it. Otherwise you remain a plaything of the interests of others.
If he really loves you, he has so much patience until you are ready for it. If he doesn't, he is probably not the right one, because he is only after it.
You are also still at the beginning of your relationship, so it is completely normal for people without your past to want to cuddle all the time and therefore your boyfriend should really have no problem with that (and if he should be honest enough to tell you)
If you still want to keep a little distance so as not to become too dependent on him yourself, there's really nothing you can do but control yourself. You can see how he then reacts to the fact that you are no longer the one who starts to cuddle at that moment. Most boys / men (my friend too) then approach you by themselves because they miss affection when it is missing
But that his PC is more important to him shouldn't be the case… After all, he can do that alone at home
Thanks for the answer. He was with me from December 18th to 3rd and for this he downloaded all his games and his series onto his laptop and always had his headset on and I found that sad, I've already written him texts where I wrote everything with. When he was at his laptop, I was at the tablet, but at some point I didn't feel like it anymore and always came to him, but he didn't want to be disturbed and so I listened to music and then later had to make my chickens, but at some point he didn't feel like helping me make the chickens either. Sometimes he came with me, but most of the time he doesn't feel like it. We're both learning the profession of farmer and so I thought that he would go out to the chickens every day like me, but unfortunately his PC is more important. I even wrote him a song just for him. But he didn't say anything about it. He always tells me that he is very cold-hearted, I notice that in some things too, but I think he also has another side. He doesn't know a life like mine and that's why he needs his PC to calm down. He does not want to cuddle permanently, but rather watch series permanently. He's the right one for me, but I'm slowly worrying that at some point I will tell him my opinion and he won't find it ok. I hope that he can wait a long time, because it is not important for me to have it either.
No, I don't have confidence, but he's trying to get me to build one, but I think it'll take time. He's the right one for me in a way, but sometimes I have doubts about it.
It's all very well that he wants to watch his series and play games. When I'm with my friend, I don't forbid him from doing so at all. Especially not if you visit each other for a longer period of time. But that doesn't rule out the fact that he can't spend time with you when he's with you. You can watch series together or you can choose one that you start together. And if he wants to watch series all the time and you want to cuddle permanently, one thing doesn't rule out the other - that works at the same time and would actually be a fair compromise.
I kind of think that you overwhelm him with your love and he can't handle it. The song was maybe a nice gesture, but if nothing comes from him, unfortunately, it doesn't help to keep getting more involved in the relationship, because then men usually only withdraw more. Especially if they don't show their emotions so openly. The fact that you've written everything to him is a good step - but a personal conversation is always better. It is harder to start, but it also clarifies much better and you can respond much better to your counterpart.
And finally: if you give him your opinion, then that's the way it is. He then has to deal with that. A good relationship should endure something like that and if not then I have to tell you that it wouldn't have been worth it anyway. And he is only the right one if he tries to accept the criticism and work on you as a couple. You both will have to compromise, that's normal in a partnership
Ok, thank you very much, then I'll see when he comes next and then I'll talk to him and tell him beforehand that he should leave his laptop at home.
