I've been in a relationship with a woman 12 years older than me for 14 years. We lived together for 12 years and for professional reasons I had to go abroad for two years. When I came back a year ago, she was happy, but things have changed. She never wants to have sex again, I have to say that she said from the beginning that she doesn't like sex and that you have to do certain things in life that you don't feel like doing. Ok I had to deal with that. Now she wants to have two separate apartments, we had that before and she always didn't want me anymore, only this time. I was allowed to spontaneously check all electronic things cellphone & laptop, there was nothing. Well now the second apartment is there and I think that something is going on with someone else the whole time. You didn't have many friends in your life and we have today still in contact with her first boyfriend who, however, already has children, he also says the same thing that she has always been like that. She wants to stay with me def! What do you think?
Apparently, during the time you were gone, she noticed that she could get along well on her own and no longer wants the confinement of a shared apartment. If she's never liked sex, then she's now of the opinion that you don't have to do everything in life after all.
You can only solve this together with her - talk to each other.
If you have known each other for so long (14 years), at some point there will be so-called "signs of wear and tear". Not everything about the partner is new and you don't always experience new things together. Living apart (abroad, two apartments) made it difficult to get closer. On the contrary, you probably grew even further apart emotionally due to the spatial separation.
In all honesty: I would wait for Christmas now, but I would keep the option open to venture a completely new beginning in January 2021 without her. A new relationship, new thoughts, a new environment. Better to end with horror than the other way around. It is always difficult to say goodbye to a loved one, but you have to ask yourself the question whether your girlfriend is still doing you good the way it is and whether the reverse is also true for her.
What matters is whether you are so happy in this relationship. This is exactly what you don't make.
Hence my question to you: How would you like the relationship?
I think during the time you were gone, she just noticed that she'd rather be alone and still get along well without you. Even if it's tough, that's just the way it is sometimes. Please talk to her about it, she won't cheat on you.
If she's never been into sex that much, then that's the way it is, so either you can handle it or they part ways.
Just talk to her openly and do what is good for you, such a relationship is not enriching…
Maybe you should use 2021 as a new beginning, for a new life.
According to your question, you do not seem happy with the situation and if you are not happy with the current situation, efforts should be made to change that. In plain language, you should first be clear about what you want, how you would like it in the future and what makes or would make you happy.
Have you ever gone to the conversation about how she came to her change of heart? Did you have a detailed conversation?
