No real friendship through parental home possible?

My "best" friend and I have known each other for about 3 years. Basically, we get along great and like to go out for a coffee, etc.

But there's already the first problem:

She comes from a family with a VERY strict father. She is 19 (more than of legal age) and lives with her parents. Her father limits her in everything.

She is only allowed out as long as he says, she is not allowed out in the dark, she is not allowed to talk to boys, be interested in boys, she is not allowed to move out, she is not allowed to work, she is not allowed to stay with others (not even with me ), she is not allowed to have a cell phone, Facebook, her own Whatsapp, etc… She now has a laptop for university that she can use to write to me on Skype.

We wrote for a while about her mother's WhatsApp, which apparently was used by the whole household, as I then found out.

We can no longer do that either because:

I wrote something to her about a boy, completely innocent things do not mean anything obscene, NOT AT ALL. I received a message that read something like:

Please only send serious content. Things like "…" are not tolerated. The cell phone is used by several people…

I was confused and then I was extremely scared!

Of course, I wrote to her directly and also heated it up. I had no idea what to write and the chat would have been visible to everyone! She assured me that this would no longer happen and deleted my number from the cell phone. I didn't say it was your father. And, I thought that was totally bold of her! She pretended not to know who it was! So I don't make any guesses! I was really offended. She actually tried to fool me and quickly evaded the subject.

Every time we meet she is pressed for time! We can never meet whenever we want because she doesn't have a cell phone and is often not allowed to. She gets upset about it but does nothing! We have talked about it many times and I have given her all my understanding, but slowly I'm just getting annoyed!

I don't want to lose her as a friend because she is great as a person! She's also my only true friend to be honest. It's the same for both of us. You can also tell how she wants to hold on to me and is afraid I might say bye!

But it doesn't seem to want to break out properly itself! She has money to buy a cell phone, she could move out or do something else! I also notice she wants to get out of there, but she doesn't want to lose the comfort of being equipped with everything by her father.

I also find that she has very strange views on finance. As a student, I can't afford branded goods and so on, when I buy shoes for 20 euro, I get a strange look from her, not looking ahead, but just funny.

Do you have any advice?

In my opinion, she should move out as soon as possible. There's no other solution when she is so extremely patronized by her parents. And the parents have no right to prescribe such things to her.

Yes I know that. It's more about advice on how to deal with it. I've been trying to reach you for a long time but it doesn't work. I don't know what the best solution would be for me, because I want to keep the friendship going, but I can't call a friendship based on a few Skype messages and the occasional coffee drink, a deep friendship. I just don't get them to rethink or act properly

Maybe you should explain to her that she should move out from her parents, otherwise it could break your friendship.

I've explained this to her many times. But I don't want her to think my friendship depends on the relationship with her father. She has no friends except me and I don't want to take away the only opportunity to get out of there.

The problem is that their parents make your friendship very complicated. And that can easily break a friendship

Yes, that's right, but I would like to regulate it differently. Unfortunately, it's not made for confrontation: /

Ok, such a father is really crazy. There are strict fathers, but as you described him, he surpasses all of them.

The only solution is that it breaks away. Talk to her about the problem that you can't meet and not make it up. You should get a cell phone (no matter which one). So that you can write privately.

I would also ask her what she thought of it and what she would like to do differently. I would encourage them to meet you longer and stay the night.

Unfortunately I can't help anymore, but good luck!

Unfortunately I don't know any other solution

Thank you trz. Yes, that pretty much sums up everything I've already done.

Not a thing ^^

Your best friend obviously comes from a completely different culture. There are different rules of conduct in her family. Whether a woman is of legal age or not is of no interest there. Do some research on their situation so you can develop the understanding you need.

If she moves out against her father's wishes, her family may reject her. It would tarnish the family honor.

You can't get them to rethink. She alone can determine her future.

But I can also put myself in your situation. These few contacts hardly allow you to maintain a friendship.

I know very well about her situation, she tells me EVERYTHING. Even if I can't understand something, she explains it to me and I try to follow her. I know she can only get out of there all by herself, but it's about how I should deal with it. I've tried everything from my side. Unfortunately she is only semi-open to it. I don't want to go into their cultural background, because that's a little too complicated. But you are right when it comes to the fact that she would be rejected. She is very intelligent and enlightened, emancipated if you like. A real feminist. Very well read in literature and that is precisely why I can't maintain my understanding in the long term and do not know how to continue with our friendship.

We have wanted to have a drink very often (in the evening) unfortunately we only had the opportunity to do so twice when her father left the place.

well I don't know what to do with the question: /

She is in a great conflict. There are counseling centers on the Internet that specialize in this topic.

Yes, unfortunately everything is already recommended. Believe me, I haven't tried anything that anyone will write here.

Unfortunately, I think many misunderstand the question:

It's just about how I should deal with it now. As I said, I tried everything, so now I can only start with myself and think about what I can do for myself and my peace of mind.