I had an argument with my mother because she said I hadn't showered yesterday, but I did. I talked to my friends on the phone and when I came back everyone laughed and hung up and went offline. I then went to my mother and said that my friends had just hung up and yelled at them.
She just had a bucket of water because she wanted to clean and then poured the bucket over me and said that I shouldn't yell at her. Of course, then I completely freaked out and screamed and howled. Then I went to my father and he laughed at me and said I deserved it.
I then said that I hate them and then they said that they were sending me to a psychologist. I then meant that all three of us would go and of course I would be laughed at. I ran into my room crying and I heard my father copying my howl and my mother laughing. Then she came into my room and took away my cell phone, Kindle, Switch and everything, except for my laptop, which I need for school.
I really don't know what to do next and cry all the time. When we had an argument before, my mother wanted to hit me, but I avoided it.
Of course nobody in the family believes me because my mother has an illness (not a fatal one) and everyone says that we have to respect her.
I just hate my family and I'm scared that one day they will hurt me.
What should I do now?
That is really bad!
Maybe you go once for a while to serve grandparents, uncles, aunties or other relatives. For a week or so. If it gets much worse, get help from relatives.
That is not how it works.
This is called emotional abuse. You don't do it wrong, they do.
You could and should contact the youth welfare office or a liaison teacher at your school. If they hurt you, also to the police.
And if they really send you to the psychologist: Good thing, because you could tell him everything and he could help you with it. Psychologists form their own picture of the situation. He would quickly notice that you are the victim here.
So it's normal to yell at your mother?
Sounds like typical adolescent behavior.
Have you ever thought that it is not always the other person who is to blame, but that you usually contribute a fairly large part of it?
Probably not. Face the fact that you are also responsible for your actions.
How do you think your parents feel about someone who yells at them and freaks out? No wonder that more drastic measures are then taken. Whoever sees wind will reap the wind.
I recommend a change of strategy. Apologize to your parents for your wrong behavior and ask yourself what you can do to improve the situation. And stop putting the blame on others.
Yes? Is it?
Just because it's the parents doesn't mean they are angels doing everything right. As a child, you can decide what is right and what is wrong. And then you have the right to behave like this towards your parents when they do things that don't work.
I yell at my alcoholic mother too. Would you say I have no right to complain?
So it's normal to throw a bucket of water on someone?
The girl is supposed to pull herself by the belt. It's not without…
No, but just because you yell at your mother once does not mean you have to be knocked out
Now come down… You don't yell at your mother. And a bucket of water to bring you back to your senses is not tragic either. Fighting would be worse
How often has your mother poured cleaning water on you?
honestly never…
She shows perfectly normal behavior. Sure, yelling at someone is stupid, but the consequences of the parents are really bad!
Humiliation, the parents humiliated her.
No, respect has to be earned and if you read her other questions she is no sunshine
And it humiliates the parents, or is it normal to tell them that you hate them
The mother obviously tried to hit her already! In addition, this laugh is emotional humiliation.
Something like that about the parents is incredibly hurtful. That simply does not work. Children who constantly experience such things from their parents usually get psychological damage.
I didn't behave like that either. I wouldn't have dared to do that.
It's already damaged, just read it through.
The child does not have to earn the respect of the parents!
The parents have to treat it well without the child having to do anything!
Oh yes. So a child can do anything but parents can't? It is not just parents who have rights and obligations. Children too.
I don't know what's going on with the people here who say "a bucket of water oh how bad", by the way, according to the law, this is already considered bodily harm. And rightly so. Her parents have grown up and they have to pull themselves together. In addition, aping them in such a disrespectful way and having no respect for their feelings shows what kind of people they are.
I would suggest that you report to the youth welfare office. Because I don't think it can go on like this for any of you. If you use force, go to the police immediately.
Of course, parents are only human and can sometimes lose control. But here, only the mother was affected by the fact that the father behaved so disrespectfully despite being involved in this situation, shows that there's a very serious problem here.
I'm only evaluating this question here. And in this situation it was not the child who behaved reprehensibly, but the parents.
It is normal to be emotional and impulsive during puberty. Fights are normal too.
But attempted violence and this humiliation are not okay!
Could it be that you are between 9 and 15 years old?
Yeah, I'll be 15 soon.
She is probably pubescent.
The mother exposed the daughter in front of her friends…
is that respectful behavior?
I didn't say that a child can do anything.
I said here in this case the behavior of the parents is much worse than that of the child.
Shouting at your own parents also shows no respect. You write as if children are allowed to do anything with their parents and parents, in turn, absolutely nothing that, in their opinion, is educationally justified. Certainly a bucket of water over your head is not exactly one of the things, but to stand here now and claim that it would be "bodily harm" and that the parents should kindly "pull themselves together" is absolutely ridiculous.
After what the questioner writes, she sparked the escalation, so she has a lot to blame for it.
But to speak of the youth welfare office, sorry, but you're making a fool of yourself.
I'm not talking about the water bucket.
"I really don't know what to do and howl the whole time. When we had arguments before, my mother wanted to hit me, but I avoided it."
I'm talking about this.
And the:
"Then I went to my father and he laughed at me and said I deserved it."
Laughing at is disparagement.
"that you send me to a psychologist."
This is blackmail and threats.
"How he copied my howl and my mother laughed."
That is humiliation.
Never. But I also treated my parents with respect and was treated with respect for it. As it echoes into the forest, it just switches out again.
I didn't always do what my parents wanted me to do at all times. But then I preferred to argue objectively instead of shouting. With success.
Of course, that didn't always work and there were arguments. But if the relationship is otherwise good, it calms down very quickly.
Totally yours @ Driggo
And oh yes, children are harmed.
There are even studies on it.
But you probably don't know how it is. You will definitely come from a good family.
I spoke to my friends on the phone and when I came back
How is the mother supposed to know that the daughter didn't mute her microphone when she left her conversation but didn't finish.
So you think the mother's love and support should depend on what great achievements the child is doing or on whether or not they made mistakes?
She acted perfectly normal for an adolescent. But in your opinion, she no longer deserves the respect of her parents. Ah yes.
You have no relation whatsoever to the statement with the psychologist and you absolutely have no idea how they said it or even meant it.
Laughing at is degradation? And yelling at parents is not a disrespectful act? I beg you.
She is in puberty, which means she is at a stage where she has little or no control over her emotions. It is completely normal that she is only crying about it. You and others don't even take into account that parents are sometimes overwhelmed. But to make such a drama of it is incredibly ridiculous.
Read the question again.
From the words you can read very precisely that it was "online" and the daughter then "came back" - so it must have happened in another room, but the friends heard it anyway.
In all honesty, the story doesn't even answer whether the mother knew she was on the phone. The whole thing was also written by a pubescent girl who exaggerates. Who knows if it was really an argument?
But the main thing here is initially arbitrarily spoken of malice.
If, as a mother, I was doing the housekeeping while the child couldn't even help and screaming - then I'd get angry too.
No, I don't, if the parents lack all respect for their child, then I'm sorry, but then they are not able to raise a child. If children at this age have problems with respect to their parents with respect to 15, then that is perfectly normal. I wasn't always respectful of my parents, either, I also yelled around. Of course, my parents were annoyed by that too, but they always treated me with respect. That is the least that children can expect.
This is not about performance, but about behavior towards one another.
And no, if I'm not treated well, I don't praise the other for it! The mother does not have to put up with that, and certainly not from her own child.
Puberty is simply an excuse for disrespectful behavior!
My parents treated me like that during puberty and I thought it was incredibly unfair at the time. But today I know that I was the one to blame and that I got these measures right BECAUSE I was so disrespectful to my parents. This is the pubertal rebellion and perfectly normal. That's why I know exactly whether it will harm a child. And such little things are forgotten again after puberty.
That's why I think it's incredibly outrageous that such a barrel is opened here.
Of course, I'm that stupid pubescent girl again who has no idea about anything. My mother knew that I was on the phone. I always help around the house and it's not great when your dog was put to sleep the day before yesterday and you are completely finished and everything just turns against you. But I'm the pubescent girl who always exaggerates and always sees everything bad…
You seem to have absolutely ZERO empathy towards their parents or any other parent. Not to mention psychology. Otherwise you wouldn't write something like that here.
Certainly, most parents are not perfect and often not able to apply correct measures. But many children simply do not learn if you talk them well, especially not at that age. Nonetheless, gossiping about assault here is something I hold my head.
Parents can only be as good as they have learned to be. And most parents who take unconventional measures do not want to harm their child psychologically. As if 80% of all parents were monsters.
Of course I have empathy for parents, I'm a mother myself. And my children have annoyed me sometimes. But I've never yelled at them, let alone something so disrespectful and destructive to relationships like pouring a bucket of water over their heads.
It just depends on what you've done yourself.
If you did things as a child that are not at all right, that's different.
But she hardly did anything. Yelling, oh god, how bad. It's normal and happens sometimes. Her parents may also yell at her sometimes.
You sure are not just the pubescent girl.
But you're also the pubescent girl.
That means you are not responsible for all the circumstances that bother you. But for a part it is. I can't say how big this part is. But experience has shown that you often have more of a share in your own misfortune than you want to admit to yourself.
At the time we still had rotary telephones. If I blocked the thing forever, it was announced. At some point there was a padlock on the dial and my parents saved the announcements. I'm completely upset from the house.
the greatest of the feelings i made towards them were discussions, but not yelling at them. The respect for the parents would not have allowed such a thing.
my father was often enough physical when i was a child, but his obvious violence made it easy for me to distance myself and see him as an impossible guy. Of course that wasn't okay with that, but… Gosh, I survived it pretty well. Emotional violence leaves deeper marks and even damage, as does addiction (e.g. Alcohol) in the family. To me, it didn't sound like she had one of the serious problems in her family, but rather parents who are simply annoyed by their puberty. Nothing more.
so i think the whole drama is a bit excessive. But it is probably a completely normal pubescent time, i.e. The difficult time will pass for everyone… And… You HAVE to find parents stupid during your puberty (there's ALWAYS a reason), that is also normal.
https://www.greenfamily.de/diese-40-saetze-sollten-kinder-nie-hoeren/
I find it really sad how much violence, whether physical or emotional, is glorified here by most.
I'm just saying that if I was treated like that, it would absolutely ruin me.
Yes, I'm very sensitive.
The parents could have simply taken her cell phone away, just like normal parents do.
It is not normal how you acted and it is not okay.
I stick with it.
That such little things are forgotten after puberty can be clearly seen in your answers. You have suffered damage because you blame yourself. This is a phenomenon that is not unknown in psychology. Incidentally, this is what many adults say to me who were beaten by their parents in childhood.
You probably had very nice children there who never needed something like that. You can also say 'lucky' because your behavior only partially has something to do with the parenting performance of your parents. This is overlooked by many, whose children get through with relatively no problems.
Yelling at and even if it is exaggerated to get a bucket of water over your head to cool off is not incredibly disrespectful, but an impulsive, spontaneous reaction to a rather stressful situation.
if the child who has been treated so disrespectfully reports to the youth welfare office, nothing will happen. Possibly a consultation and the employees there recognize very quickly how the connections are.
there are families with REAL problems, they really have enough to do, but not with that. Definitely not.
If you come here with words like degradation, blackmail, threat, humiliation, I come with disrespect.
And yes, there should have been times when it was right to have respect for your parents.
This is a quality that parents are no longer allowed to demand nowadays, because an outcry goes through the village, through the city, through the country and threats are made with the youth welfare office and the police.
It is absolutely no wonder if at some point parents have to put up with everything from their children, because otherwise they are threatened with child removal, etc. Her parents don't do that, and that's a good thing. Parents are still persons of authority and that is more important to a child than their supposed "free will" during puberty. This is exactly the phase when the wheat is separated from the chaff and it becomes clear whether the parents let everything be done with them or not. It is essential for a child to be put in their place at this stage when they are rebellious and disrespectful.
And with the link with these 40 sentences you are right. I've been dealing with this for many years and know more about psychology than any other subject. And yes, bringing the psychologist into play isn't something parents should be saying. Nevertheless, if the parents have told her for the first and only time now (if that is the case and we don't know), it does absolutely no harm.
If you put the blame on others, you've already lost in life. Because if something happens to you that doesn't suit you and you blame others for it, you will never be successful in life.
This is the number 1 rule in entrepreneurship.
And you can ALWAYS recognize a successful or unsuccessful person by whether he always blames others or himself. Because successful people know that it is ALWAYS in their own hands whether their life is good or bad. As simple as that.
A quote that clarifies the whole thing: "You are to blame for everything. And if you are not to blame for it, you are to blame for how you deal with it."
Every successful person can and will confirm this to you.
I had an argument with my mother because she said I hadn't showered yesterday, but I did. I talked to my friends on the phone and when I came back everyone laughed and hung up and went offline.
So she assumed something was wrong with you (that you hadn't taken a shower) and with that she exposed you to the microphone in front of your friends, who then laughed and hung up. I don't find your so-called girlfriends very nice, and your mother either!
Then you were rightly angry with your mother and pissed her off.
Your mother didn't like that, she freaked out and poured cleaning water on you. So your mother went to great lengths to completely escalate the argument and did not behave like a sensible mother, i.e. Like a grown, smart woman.
You were rightly upset and looked for support from your father, who immediately took the side of the mother and laughed at you, which I find impossible! Just like his mother, he did NOT de-escalate, NOT comfort or calm down, but rather he poured fuel on the fire and made everything worse! Apparently there was a complete lack of empathy and reason!
I heard my father copying my howl and my mother laughing.
To be honest, I find that particularly bad and anti-social of your parents! It's just not right! Parents should be a role model for the child so that they can learn appropriate social behavior! Your parents have resolved disputes and, at least in this case, they unfortunately completely failed and are a very bad role model for you! I find your parents' behavior towards you particularly anti-social and also very unjust. It almost seems like not only are you going through puberty, but all of you! So you all have a pretty short fuse.
Then she came into my room and stole my cell phone, Kindle, Switch and everything, except for my laptop, which I need for school.
From my point of view, this is another unnecessary overreaction and punishment from your mother. It is a totally inappropriate exercise of power in this case, and it will only cause the situation to escalate further.
Nobody saw how desperate and unhappy you are. You were not comforted, but left alone, laughed at you and also punished.
Of course nobody in the family believes me because my mother has an illness (not a fatal one) and everyone says that we have to respect her.
Just because your mother is sick doesn't mean that she now has freedom of fools and is allowed to behave asocial and unreasonable towards you! Of course the child should respect the mother, but of course the other way round too!
And why should I blame my parents when they didn't know how to treat me? My father is a post-war child. Hardly anyone can understand that there was little love and warmth during this time. Because at that time it was important to survive first.
Blaming my parents would be way too easy. Anyone who does that ends up being victimized and that is exactly what makes people losers. And hardly anyone in this victim role would have the empathy to reflect on the behavior of their parents and to forgive. Because they are only victims of their parents. And the parents are victims of their, etc.
That's why I don't understand when people come along and judge parents for their actions. They are then almost only people who have no plan of education, let alone psychology. Kind of like business students telling entrepreneurs how to run their businesses.
At no point did I approve of the daughter's behavior. I never said what she did was right.
I just said it was NORMAL.
And I never said that parents shouldn't put them in their place here. I have condemned the WAY of it. Not the matter in itself. The parents can just act normally. But not SO.
And whoever ticks that way doesn't just tick that way once. The daughter already said her mother wanted to hit her.
Your behavior, which you are describing here, inevitably leads to the fact that one would no longer recognize who is right and who is not. You have completely forgotten the question of morality. You have to, no, you Can't always blame yourself. You have to learn when you are right and can stand up for it. Because this is the only way to become someone who protects himself and can say stop. If you are always looking for excuses and justifications for the behavior of others and blame yourself, you destroy yourself and do not realize when someone else has crossed a line.
I'm honest, morals are very important to me. I judge everything according to it, that's my worldview for me.
The mother's behavior is not remotely justified when measured against the child's behavior. And how to behave is not just a matter of the past. It is also a choice. And just because someone doesn't know any better doesn't mean it's okay. Then he just has to learn that it's not okay. Making mistakes and apologizing is okay. Being unreasonable and not doing anything about bad behavior is not okay.
Otherwise you could say with every crime: "Yes, but he also experienced something like that before."
Yes that's bad. But it doesn't make it okay.
Incidentally, according to the law, this is already considered bodily harm
So there's nothing in the only relevant law.
