What can I do? - 3

Hi, I'm 17 and I'm still going to school and doing a technical diploma. I have always had a bad relationship with my mum. This is because she treats me as if I was 10 years old. I'm allowed to use my cell phone, tablet, laptop, etc. Never keep and always have to surrender everything. For no reason. She determines everything about me and I can no longer stand it. Even if I moved out, it would not be possible financially and my mother would not support me in this either. After my diploma I would like to study at a technical college or do an apprenticeship, but my mother says I have to do Vollabi. She always accuses me of being immature, etc., just because I get angry when she forbids me to do everything again. What should I do? I really want to get along with her.

Try to understand your mother's motives. Then you can try to make your positions clear to her in peace in order to find compromises together. Most problems arise from misunderstandings and misinterpretations of statements. I think she just wants your best and doesn't understand your opposition.

You can study in another city

you can apply for student loans and look for a flat share.

alternatively, you can ask your mother if she has time for a conversation. Then you explain to her (without reproach) what you would like to do.

tell her that you can't become independent if she doesn't let you make mistakes and tells you everything

Ouch, everything your mother does is wrong. If your cell phone, laptop, etc. Belong to you, were given to you or you bought them, then they belong to you and a 17-year-old is not taken away from these things. This is totally overbearing from your mother.

Put it this way, your mother only wants the best, but she doesn't get it. This is YOUR life, YOU alone decide what YOU really want to do.

She has to pay for you until the end of your first apprenticeship / degree, whether she likes it or not, because you have the law on your side.

Don't let your mom push you into something you absolutely don't want.

As a mother and grandma, I would advise you to collect good arguments why you want to continue your way in one way or another, take notes and then ask your mother for a conversation. Best outside of the apartment, because parents usually don't freak out ;-)

If you have good arguments, even a supermother who really only wants the best for you should understand that there's a young adult with his own goals before her.

Take this text here and convert it so that the thing is correct (i.e. Omit it, for example: I can no longer stand it…) and put it down so that she can't overlook it.

You can grab her if you hint at both the beginning and the end of the letter whether she was treated like this when she was 17. What she was doing back then. Of course, this only works if you know that she herself has not experienced anything or only insignificantly bad and if you can estimate what her parents' house was like. If your own parental home was very strict, e.g. Can you bend that of course.

I'm always surprised to read here how selfish mothers (and fathers) can be and how they are unable to admit their children are getting older.

From the legal point of view (I think it's good that you don't address that at all, that just shows that you actually value your mother too), she has to support you according to YOUR skills and preferences and she is also obliged to provide you with initial training to admit - also financially - even if you have to move away from home for training or further studies.

She always says she was allowed to do everything before and that would have been oh so wrong. She forbids me to do everything I wear, to meet friends, on which I can spend my money…

I understand that, but I think she's just exaggerating, I see that with my friends too, they aren't so restricted either. I accept rules… But so many?

She does it wrong, she's unfair there, she doesn't understand.

And you? Have you ever really asked her why? Discussed factually? Have your arguments presented properly? Or do you have none at all except "Everyone else is allowed to do it too! I want to! You don't get it!"?

Explain to her how you imagine your professional future and why you don't need a Vollabi for it. Find "evidence" for your claim. Refute your arguments objectively, point out possibilities of being able to catch up on the Abitur if necessary, and the advantages of going into a certain subject earlier.

Talk to your teachers and ask them to speak to your mom. Make an appointment at the employment office or another career counseling service and have them confirm that your ideas are sensible and reasonable.

Do not negotiate according to the motto "all or nothing", but rather step by step.

Keep your cell phone longer and show that you use it sensibly. And also think about whether you really need it in the middle of the night or just feel patronized…

Because that's a puberty problem that only growing up can solve.

You don't have to accept her, but you should calmly explain your point of view to her.

But also Heiheijei.

Why don't you ask them what was so wrong with that back then! Was it wrong to bring you into the world? Is that what made her unhappy?

If she has been allowed to do everything, what is wrong in her life now? That is THE key question that a reasonable conversation may be linked to.

What she does is beyond what she does to a 17 year old! You can also expect - you too have rights.

Well, for me it was totally different, but also similar. I couldn't live under the same roof with someone who checked that I had properly knocked out the rug in front of the door. You are the one who has to move out now and you are the one who HAS to ignore the guilty conscience about it!

It is up to us children to make it clear to parents that we're entitled to freedom. You have put up with this for far too long, especially since you are obviously one of those who do the work that a student has to do (homework, learning, graduation, working out future perspectives and then looking where you can or can do an apprenticeship a study).

Stay with yourself and look after yourself now. And then fight to ensure that you morally regain the freedom you are entitled to. In the long term you will be assured of the support and love of your parents (mother). Always assuming that you are doing YOUR job as best you can.

If you only knew how many times I've already spoken to her. And really matter-of-fact, honest. But she always says she's the boss and as long as you have your feet under my table… I mean that's true too, but I'm no longer the little 12 year old daughter

Why don't you get support Parents of friends, teachers, etc., who make it clear to her that your IMPORTANT wishes, e.g. Regarding your job, are quite justified and deserve more attention?

You seem to lump everything together and to put decisions that affect your future on a par with ridiculous odds and ends because you feel misunderstood and wrongly treated on principle.

Unfortunately, despite your "mature age", you come across as a whining toddler with whom no adult wants to argue.

No, I don't think so, that he comes across as a whining toddler.