I would like to ask you something as an independent person.
Short story:
Me and my wife's siblings wanted to give their father a new laptop together for Christmas. (Value approx. 300 euro) This should be divided by 4 siblings, roughly 75 euro per person.
That was no problem for all siblings, except for my sister-in-law, who is simply too stingy to give her father 75 euro. He never gets anything else!
His old laptop is 6 years old and starts up extremely slowly and is generally outdated and slow. He likes surfing the internet and playing paintball ect.
The miserly sister (29) lives in her parents' house and pays no rent if necessary. In the best case, she gives 50 euro for the purchase! She earns very well because she is civil servant! Since I wanted to give this laptop to my father-in-law, I and my wife paid twice! The look from the miserly sister was divine because she hadn't expected it!
Now you can calculate: 12x full salary - 50 euro a month for food… And then you don't have 75 euro left for your father!
My father in law is over 60! He raised you and 4 other children and then she is not even willing to pay 75 euro. Am I overreacting here?
I think it's really terrible! I've been avoiding you since Christmas! And on your 30th birthday, I will ask my boss to take over the late shift so I don't have to come! If you ever need help, I will also say that I have no money!
No you don't over react!
However, I would not hide behind work and speak plain text.
The father's children should talk to him. Can't be to watch a daughter take advantage of her father.
Also talk to the father that he can no longer be exploited!
I think you are absolutely right.
However, I would find an open word more meaningful to her than to avoid her. It's just an uncomfortable fermenting feeling that will be there every time you meet.
Better you clear the fronts and tell her how wrong she is. Even if she may not see it, you no longer need to avoid her.
Unfortunately, my wife is still against it, since it is your sister and she is just that. I don't think that's right. I'll give the whole thing some time, but thanks for your opinion!
Most of them dare not speak to you because they would only refuse. I'll wait a little longer and then I'll start the conversation if nobody else does it.
That's exactly what your sister-in-law expects, that's why she does it so easily.
Families often can't get out of their patterns.
It is important to open the father's eyes. Can't be that he can be exploited like that.
I can understand. We have a very similar situation with us. I also try to be cautious for my husband and in-laws, but it's not easy and I don't know how long I can keep my mouth shut.
Just uncomfortable.
I can understand you spontaneously, but the understanding subsides when I look at things with the heart instead of the jealous, judgmental and angry mind.
The ego says: It's terrible, you have to do something.
Love says: It is what it is.
What does your sister-in-law's relationship with her father concern you? Is it so difficult to recognize the sister in law as she is? You can be sure that if you had grown up under 100% of the same circumstances and if you were in the same situation as her today, you would not have added 75 euro.
I wouldn't mind the sister-in-law's behavior, but if it really bothered you so much, tell her that her behavior annoyed you and that you would no longer give her a gift together.
To construct an excuse not to have to go to her birthday is as childish as the statement that you have no money in case of need.
I'm excited to see what you'll give her on her 30th birthday.
If I had great parents like you, I would definitely support both of them financially. How else would I be willing to pay double?
How would you go about it? This is one of many situations…
If a conversation doesn't work? Is rejected? Is not seen? Wouldn't you want to avoid that person? I'm curious.
There are no gifts from my side either, because there are no gifts for me either.
I would not seek contact, but I would not avoid them either. Even if the conversation were one-sided, I would tell her what I don't like and explain to her why I'm neutral towards her. I would recognize her as she is without wanting to change it.
