We all know that the current situation outside is not easy… But can you still forbid me to do everything now? We live in the same household.
I would probably have moved out long ago if my mother didn't finance my private studies. She has always been a bit 'extreme' and likes to control me. But if I don't do what she wants, she always has to go beyond all limits. Or is she right after all? Probably she can secretly guard me via my cell phone, always manages to log into my social media accounts and my laptop never stays untouched. Passwords are constantly being changed. The microphones that she already hid in the apartment weren't enough. But unfortunately I don't know her any other way…
The fact that she has not accepted my relationship with a girl for 2 years and tries everything to break it (she would allegedly only manipulate me) has not been a secret for a long time and unfortunately my partner's family is no better either (tell lies about me and about my partner).
Now of course everything is due to Corona ^^
Thousands of calls per minute when I'm not at home, no wonder. But now I'm not allowed to do anything. I can get infected from my girlfriend. I'm not allowed to go to her home, or to my home either, of course. Not outside either, otherwise I'll catch a cold. I'm a singer and I have to take care of my voice. Since she doesn't know what I'm doing, I'm not even allowed to go out much longer. I understand it somewhere, but that doesn't mean that she can lock me up now, does it? And if I'm not home for 10 minutes, she'll call my partner's parents right away! When I'm not at home, she can't sleep.
I'm sorry for this text, but I'm really perplexed and confused. I've been carrying this situation around with me for a long time and no longer know whether I'm doing something wrong or not. I'm 21 years old and my mother thinks she has the right to control me. She hasn't known me for a long time, but thinks I'm naive and stupid and irresponsible. Of course, I don't tell her anymore what I'm doing, where I'm going, when I'm coming. She doesn't accept it anyway and that adds to the stress. We don't have a good connection with each other and never will. She even managed to get my partner kicked out of a shared apartment because she found out her address.
Please share your opinions.
Pooh, it's been a long time since a stranger once said to me as if she were someone who had known me for a long time, and said I had to become independent and understand that it is not my parents but I have to take responsibility for my life. I said at the time that I did not understand and said my parents were responsible for my life because I had no more than what they would give me.
at the time i thought that i ended up with these words and nothing more than empty-handed in this situation, but when i think about it today, then this woman was pretty right. Without trying to formulate anything more than that. It amazes me today with the same look as this woman had back then that you don't get up and start to saw off the branch on which you are sitting, with every means you can grab.
I wish you good luck and then success will come soon.
It can no longer prohibit anything, purely legally.
Nevertheless, we have to remember that you live under your mother's house and she takes care of you. Therefore, unfortunately, she has a say in your life, but at the age of 21 she shouldn't make any regulations that could apply to a 14-year-old. You are now already a young adult and you can't really be forbidden to do everything, of course she will always worry about you, but you will also lead your own life at some point. So I can only recommend you to cherish the time and talk to her about it, that she should accept that you will slowly really awaken.
If she has the password from your cell phone and laptop, I would drag the most important data onto a USB stick for you and then reset both completely. For all of your other passwords, I would recommend KeePass, both for your phone and for your laptop. With Keepass you can also easily create new, virtually impossible to guess passwords. Doesn't cost anything either. If that doesn't help, you should install a different operating system on your phone and reinstall it on your laptop.
From a legal point of view, you can't just put it on your cell phone or laptop. The same applies to your accounts and the like.
D.w. Can't she stop you from going out either, bullet point deprivation of liberty.
If I were you, I would move out as soon as possible, but I wouldn't give her the new address.
Ana734674728 writes:
I would probably have moved out long ago if my mother didn't finance my private studies.
There are two or three options:
A) Your studies count as initial training for which your mother (and your father) owe you maintenance.
B) This maintenance obligation also includes the tuition fees.
C) Neither A) nor B) applies.
See http://www.mandanteninformation.de/recht/mdt/701162WM/inhalt/texte/201408/t2014082.phtml beforehand. It was about:
One daughter studied "Tourism and Event Management" at a private university and asked her parents to pay the associated costs.
https://www.vdi-nachrichten.com/finanzen/eltern-blechen-fuer-ihre-studierenden-kinder/ asserts this:
Parents - even adults - can offer children "maintenance in kind": room and board, pocket money, study costs. If the child refuses, the parents do not have to pay anything, not even what they save by moving the child out.
Now you are not rejecting maintenance in kind, only the conditions or harassment associated with it.
In the event of a dispute, a family court before you will decide whether your mother (and your father) still owes you A), and maybe also B), if you refuse the maintenance in kind offered (board and lodging at home) because of the associated conditions or harassment.
Before that, I would get advice on site. Unfortunately you are already 21, otherwise you could still get advice from the youth welfare office. But if you call them, they'll tell you which other local advice center would be the best for you.
In the end, a lawyer who specializes in family law might be helpful. Go there and ask what it costs and whether you can expect help from him with a counseling aid certificate and a 10 or 15 euro contribution.
As I said, reset cell phone and laptop, new password, at least 8 characters. If she still gets the password, new operating system. You should not save your contacts on the SIM card, as anyone can read them. She can only chase you if she has direct access, and if you take that away from her, she can no longer do anything.
My father has been dead for 2 years. But he was never really there, my parents separated when I was 2 years old.
