Parents know from friends // Problems with parents?

I have a boyfriend w14. We're both strictly religious and grew up in a foreign house. But my parents somehow found out yesterday and immediately told their parents, our parents want to meet today at noon and talk about how things will go on now or how things will probably not go on. My father has been ignoring me since yesterday after he was very excited (if you know what I mean) and took my cell phone and Ipad away from me (writing on a laptop that I actually need because of school). My mother keeps quite out of it.

I'm scared how this will end tonight…

What would you do? Would you accept the decision that comes in the end (probably no more contact, which could also break a lot in our group of friends), or what else would you do?

Heads up. Take a deep breath and don't worry. You can't influence it and you have to take it as it comes.

If your parents are upset or don't tolerate your boyfriend, slowly try to teach them that society is changing, that this is normal, that everyone has their first boyfriend or girlfriend at 14, that this is part of integration, etc.

Some families are just a little more conservative. It's a shame, but you can still find a solution.

My mother even thinks the boy is very, good, if you can put it that way, because our parents know each other through a few bazaars (I don't know how the majority goes) and because he has roots from the same country as me

If there's someone you trust in your parents' age, you could ask them to mediate. This can be, for example, the trust teacher from the school, or the youth pastor from the parish, or an uncle / aunt. I have also seen in a very similar situation that the young person's grandmother reminded the father of his first girlfriend.

So I'm a Muslim it won't work. My teachers… No, but maybe my cousin (she is only 20 and my parents 37)

That's a good thing. Then you have your mother halfway on your side. This is a good start!

The cousin is a good idea. Maybe she also has another idea. If, for example, she brings your father or mother on board, then a real person of respect is on your side.

Yes I hope so…

You poor I'm really sorry. Parents shouldn't forbid friendships. So be in love and all that!

I would tell my parents how important it is to me and that it is even more important to me than the ipad and such and that they can keep the ipad if I can have this friend for it. Or something like that!

The thing is that saying that he is important to me doesn't work… But thank you for your kind answer 💙

Try to explain to your parents what you want. You don't have to get angry when your father gets angry and argue well. But when your parents make a decision, do what your parents say too. But if you are strictly religious, you should also know that you are not allowed to have friends.

First relax and wait for the evening! Take a deep breath!

For your parents there are certainly several construction sites that they may find more or less problematic or even catastrophic:

Mainstream Islam forbids any premarital relationship, i.e. Your entry into paradise is at risk. Believing parents have different wishes for their children and are therefore very concerned.
Mainstream Islam forbids any premarital relationship, i.e. The family honor within the ummah is at risk. It has often gone so far that the whole family was excluded from the ummah because the father did not understand how to lead his daughter on the right path.
One could be concerned that you might get pregnant premaritally and that the catastrophe would become obvious.

I think these are very understandable reasons in their world for wanting to ban your relationship. You will probably be told something about ZINA, about family honor, about hell and shaytan… And then the relationship is forbidden. Your friend should feel the same way. And if your parents are not completely stupid, then they will know that you will try to undermine this prohibition.

On the other hand, it is and will remain YOUR life - and that of your friend. There's no compulsion to believe, it says in Islam - and yet Islamic compulsion is exercised every second… Somewhere.

I would like to think about what to do with you, if you know what sanctions your parents have considered - so that we don't talk about unlaid eggs.

And maybe you can try to get your mother to your side BEFORE the conversation tonight so that she can soften the sanctions today.

And never forget: your parents love you. Even if your views may be outdated and the sanctions excessive. See again at points 1-3: These ARE convincing reasons to be a devout Muslim.

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Other topic:

We're both strictly religious

Please explain to us how "strictly religious" fits into such a relationship?! Mainstream Islam forbids that. Another issue is that this prohibition is extremely questionable if one looks a little more closely at the Qur'an.

On the other topic: It says, grew up strictly religious, which does not mean that we're strictly religious ahaha.

I know what is in Islam about relationships, but I find that sometimes a bit out of date

But my parents want me to be like that, and if I'm not like that, they send me to Kosovo to Nona xD

If that is already threatened, you must secretly go to the youth welfare office. And quickly.