Can't get along with the same people for a long time, what to do?

This question title doesn't quite get to the point, but it doesn't matter.

I moved from a big city to the country 3 years ago, things have been going downhill for me since then, the first thing I did was get to know a few people with whom I would normally never have done anything, but they were just nice to me.

I moved when I was 14, so we weren't very mature yet and my buddies often made racist and stupid sayings back then and even then I always told them that I didn't like that. Otherwise it wasn't the likeable people either, e.g. One of them stole a laptop when he was 14.

In any case, a year ago I made new friends and I was happy to be out of the circle of friends, we did a lot, took the train through the area in the summer and just had fun.

For a few weeks now, things haven't been going so well, all the time there are provocations from all sides and I also have the feeling that they are directed against me particularly often 🤷♂️ and I also heard from a friend that they were about blaspheme me.

When I asked what the problem was, they said everything was fine and there's no problem, but if we do something again, it will continue the same way.

Now under the exit restrictions, where I sit around alone at home most of the time anyway, it all takes me a bit and I just don't know what to do anymore, because friends are very important to me due to a bad family situation and I just don't have a good friend at the moment, whom i can trust… I'm just wondering if it's a little bit up to me, because i might expect other people to do things that i don't keep myself… /:

MFG, have a nice evening

So I've learned to leave people as they are when I deal with them. If I don't like what they do I keep my distance, if they harm me, it's scythe.

It is especially not my job to fill alleged educational gaps in others or to judge what they are doing and then spread it everywhere and vice versa, it should be the same.

So stay friendly and let live, no reproaches

In principle, this saying always applies: If you want something to apply, rarely get in touch.

If you don't want to exchange your friends, then just try to keep your distance, you don't have to be mean or something, you can stay exactly the same.

If someone asks you if you would like to do things with them, then just relax and say no, even though you have time. You can say yes, that you would like to, but already want to do something with someone else, I hope you enjoy yourself. Or, if they need you in math, for example, simply don't send the solution for 3 hours. This is how your friends will notice that you are not running after them like a little dog. If they hurt, humiliate or blaspheme you, then speak out calmly and show your emotions… Cry or be angry, explain to them what they found in you, an honest person who helps them with maths or housework, that comforts them, because you have a RIGHT to do so! If you get gossip about yourself, let them know and ignore them until they apologize! LG and you can do it! PS: And only solve problems personally and not via WhatsApp, because messages can be screenshotted or misunderstood, because communication also depends on the facial expression and tone of voice…

Thanks for the answer. Yes, I had already thought about it, I think I'll give it a try. ^^

It actually all starts in you. Be the friend you want to be yourself.

It is clear that this is not easy when you have a difficult family situation. You can get help with this!

Of course, this is difficult to judge from a distance, especially because you are very, very vague. What do you mean by "provocations"? What exactly are your friends doing or saying? And why do you think that you expect things that you can't keep yourself? That sounds to me more like very specific things that could have triggered all of this.

What exactly are your friends accusing you of? And is there something to it? Are there actually things that you did wrong that you can change?

The problem is - if you have done similar things to different people several times in a group of friends, which hurt them or were simply unsightly, a group dynamic develops against you. They then rant together about you, and so increase themselves more and more. At a certain point there's nothing to stop it.

It can of course be the case that, due to your bad family situation, you "need" too much from your friends, what they should compensate, and what overstrains them. In the meantime, you are probably also missing the looseness, you will have become tense and put every word on the gold scales because you are anxious to see whether this is now directed against you again.

First of all, you should make it clear to yourself that you can always get to know people and make them your friends. They won't be your last friends. Try to loosen up a little. Don't take everything super personal right away. Remember that at the moment all people are stressed, dissatisfied and pissed off by the Corona situation, and therefore maybe more irritated than usual.

And don't spend your time now thinking for hours about your whole difficult life and all your bad experiences, possible mistakes and potential reasons for something.

This is called brooding and it doesn't do any good, except that it pulls you down permanently. Focus on anything that is positive in any way.

So first of all a big thank you for taking the time to answer.

It is so that I live in a rather poorer family and the provocations are often aimed at other things for which I can little.

The fact is that I haven't been doing anything with them very often lately because I don't always have the money for their activities anyway, and that's why this provocation hits me very hard.

In themselves they are actually nice people, but I have the feeling that I have become the black sheep in the group…

I generally have problems getting to know new people, especially in the Corona time it doesn't make it any better… Besides, it can't really be that I have changed my circle of friends so often and still have something to complain about… /

Definitely do it! You seem to be a very sensitive and good-natured person… These are two very great qualities that you can be proud of! I myself was unfortunately just taken advantage of by a lot of good friends, but from the moment I decided for myself that I no longer need them and now gave them the role of the unimportant person, I was interesting again. My motto: don't become an idiot just because so many show you how to do it!

In any case, thanks for your sacrificed time (:

I'm just scared of being pushed out of the group even more and of no longer having any friends, but you're right, that's probably the best solution for now

Of course, I sacrifice time for nice people to give them tips to avoid feeling the same pain as I had to! Sure, the group could kick you out, but they would only do that if they didn't want you in their circle of friends anyway, you have absolutely nothing to fear from that. If you treat them nicely, but just don't demand that much attention from them, they'll be more interested in you and think, Huh, why doesn't he get in touch so often "… After two weeks they'll miss you, and think to yourself that the time with you was really nice and definitely want to do something with you again. This is how it increases! My tip: Be close, but also far! (So, if they need something from you, get in touch after a long period of time, but then soon, completely normal and happy! When they want to meet, you rarely have time, you can start small, and just have time for them on Tuesday, and if they prefer on MO would do something with you, then it won't work and you might have time next week.) Blood is thicker than water… Make sure that everything goes well in your family again, get involved, be nice to everyone, because they Family is the most important thing you have.