Confused - for whom to decide?

I'm with my friend for 3 months. However, I have been thinking about ending the relationship for a while now. I'm not happy. He never goes out with me, supposedly because of fear. Another time he said he was not afraid with a penknife and pepper spray, then it was scared again. He has always given me empty promises, I asked him if we could walk in the woods. He then promised me the next day to go out, have a picnic and go to the forest. It never became something. He only sits 24/7 on the laptop at his game after which he is addicted.

When he is hungry, he begs that I make him something to eat and drink. If I like something he always says "no buck later" or "ok tomorrow?" He does not answer again for 6 days.

The first time he did not answer for so long, even though I called etc, I was deeply worried and my best friend, with whom I have been friends for 4 years, also told him that it is disrespectful to me and childish. I already wanted to end the relationship. He was first angry and dismissive and said that he has seen all my calls. When I just wanted to stop, he suddenly cried and said if I leave him that he then kills himself, or that he then starts to take chemo drugs and become alcoholic. And it happened again.

I met my best friend after a long time, and he said straight away, "Hey, you'd love to walk in the woods, you love that a lot" and I was shocked that he remembered it. This time we talked a lot about the future and realized how equal we're. Now. Later we sat on the bench, we came closer and closer, and I kissed him on the cheek, my hand was on his chest, I felt his heartbeat very much. Later we kissed, passionately on the mouth. The kiss does not go out of my head, and my best friend now says that it was only friendly, and it has no greater significance.

I'm totally confused. It hurts so much. My heart has never hurt so much.

Why does my best friend say that? I have always looked at him. And he also said that I have become prettier.

Maybe you can give me some advice. To both persons. Thank you for all the answers, and I'm sorry for the long text.

When your friend told you he would kill you if you left him, you would have had to break up with him already. He blackmails you emotionally. If he wants to spend his life in his shack, then he has to do it alone. You seem to want to experience something and for that he is the wrong one. Stop it. If he kills himself then that was his decision. You do not have to blame yourself. But I'm pretty sure that's just hot air

Please leave your friend, because of the kiss and the feelings for your best friend and the emotional blackmail of your friend.

I also had a lot of mental health issues, but I would never think of anything like "if you… I'm scratching myself / or killing myself" etc., that's the most ridiculous thing you can do and has nothing to do with love to do!

This with your best friend, as I said please separate from your friend first, and then ask your best friend for a clarifying conversation… Maybe he has said that also because of your friend, if not he should not again "friendly" kisses distribute to you

First: So a long question is not bad at all.

Then: Obviously, you had several such situations with your friend. You talked to him, too. Often he ignores you, yet it is suddenly called you are very important to him. I suppose you still love him anyway. Or? Otherwise you would have already broken up. Unfortunately, such people (especially boys) are still very common. Whether you should finish now? Hmm🧐😕

First and foremost, however, it is important that you calm down. Maybe it is best if you reduce the contact a bit to get it down a bit. That will hardly be a problem for him (as he treats you).

To your (friendly) friend: From the question you just can't really read out whether you love him now or what. But I can imagine that you do not know that for yourself. Even with him, it may not be so bad (as long as you need time) to take a break. You just have to come back to you. Understand yourself. And in case you still need someone, you may be better off addressing another friend.

If it turns out that you actually love your (friendly) friend, just tell him. And even if he "rejects", that does not mean that your friendship is destroyed. In that case, I would really break up with your friend.

Conclusion: At the moment you just need a little time for you. To deal with the situation.

Then think about who you love how much. We can't know that here. Then you came to such things as breaking up with your friend or asking the (friendly) friend, still superior.

I hope I could help you and my answer was not too long. In case there are further questions or so, just ask.

Otherwise, I wish you much success, luck and have a nice evening.

OK. My best friend just called me, and we talked at length in peace. He said that he is afraid that the friendship will break. He is also a bit confused, and does not quite know what he wants, but also found the kiss very nice. In addition he mentioned, that he would like to wait until we both are firmly in the life with completed education / study etc and then again to see how it develops. In addition, he also said that it is not a rejection, but a sequel follows between us.

Hm yes I think I should have done that. In any dispute, he always threatens to do something. That makes everything worse.

Thank you for your love and detailed answer. My best friend has just called me, although he is not a fan of the phone. We talked quietly, and from there I realized correctly that I seem to have displaced my year-long feelings to my best friend and tried to see my best friend in other people or to wish me. Because of my repression he was constantly in my friendzone. Well, he said that yesterday's statement was not a rejection, and he is afraid that then the good years of friendship breaks. He also said that we may both have rushed it with the kiss, and he does not feel ready yet, since I'm now in a break fresh. He said that we should both be firmly in life for the first time, with a completed education and study etc and then talk about relationship again. I'm still happy, though, and I told him that later on I would "dare" to taste it in relationship, if he and I are really meant for each other. He said at the end of the day, "It's not a refusal, it's a sequel, I hope my best friend and I can finally get together in the future, that it will finally be the right time for a love He has assured me that we would certainly harmonize well in the relationship only he would rather wait for something else. I think that underlines again the maturity of my best friend, many things that I like with my boyfriend My boyfriend does not care, he still lives with his mom, who only drinks alcohol 24/7, he does not work or anything like that, he does not have a school diploma, he says he also has a school phobia And no matter what profession I have researched for him, after having suggested to him, he refused everything, and also sought "fearfulness" -examining all my trouble for nothing, the main thing he can s play a game and get what he wants from me, as long as I do not want something. Nevertheless, I wanted to give him a chance because I wanted to support him somehow, and wanted to help him. Only if nothing comes from him, but only ignorance, I can unfortunately do nothing more.

Very nice, that's really reasonable ☺️

I have unfortunately the day before yesterday separated from him. He began to cry, and came back with the emotional blackmail. I said it was not right and told him he needed a lot of work on his own. I also told him that unfortunately my heart beats for someone. He then said, "The person has taken you from me, I hope that person should perish in agony." After that, I said nobody took it from me, it's my own decision, and he's supposed to stop saying that. In addition, I also made it clear to him again that I want to continue to support him. At the end he thanked me crying and thanked me for the good time. I felt so sorry for him that almost all of a sudden I felt sorry for him. Yes, and my best friend want to meet us more often the next time. He himself told me that we would be well in a relationship, just stop first time is important.

I find it very strong of you to let him go. And the better of you to continue to support him. He obviously needs it. I think it's also true how you have prevailed against him and made it clear that his reaction is not okay.

I know this time a bit shorter than usual. But there's not much else to say.

But now I wish you a nice time with your friend and good luck.