At dinner tonight, I got very angry about my father. And that for the third time today. A month ago I got so angry that I threw my phone at him. He then threatened to call the police. I generally get angry very quickly and then always have to throw things around. The first time today, I was talking about a new Marvel series over lunch and he was interrupting me the whole time and turning up some Austrian music very loud. That made me angry but since that cell phone incident I have been trying to control myself. Then I watched Ant man with my mother and he came into the living room and simply cut the cable that connects my laptop to the television with the scissors. That was my only one. He said I should finally say goodbye to these Marvel things and concentrate on reality. I would get really mad but managed to control myself and just go to my room and read a comic. At dinner he asked us a thousand times if we wanted to drink cocoa. And I'm lactose intolerant. I then told him that if he didn't notice it after a few years, I didn't have any lactose contracts and therefore couldn't drink instant cocoa. He then simply said I have simply never had a real one, is too refrigerator, has taken a Hofer cocoa in a bottle and held it in front of my face. I got so angry that I started shaking and held the fork that I was holding much tighter. Then I started to grin, that grin turned into a laugh. I couldn't get enough air and my chest was moving back and forth all the time, somehow out of reflex. But super unnatural. While I was laughing, I was crying really hard. And I don't know why. My mom ran to me thinking I was having a stroke or something. Well then my father went to work furiously like every evening and I went to my room. Was that a panick attack? (Never had one). And if so, what can I do to prevent this from happening again (without therapy)?
That sounds really bad, but not necessarily like a panic attack. Were you very scared at that moment?
I wasn't scared, I was just angry.
Then it wasn't a panic attack. More like a nervous breakdown, which is understandable given what you're going through. Why don't you want to go into therapy?
My sister once went to a therapist just to be checked if she was anorexic. And now she can't get out of me. It is sent from therapist to therapist and the current one costs 200 euro per hour. As far as I don't know, she is anorexic. And if we tell them we don't want to send them back, the youth welfare office will come immediately. My parents think they just want to rip off our money, so I'll wait two years with therapy until I'm 18 to pay for it myself.
Do you know why the health insurance does not pay for that? That is usually the case. And if the youth welfare office wants that, couldn't they regulate it better? You can see again how well this system works in Germany…
*Austria. And honestly, I have no idea. I'm 16. But the youth welfare office didn't do anything about it.
