To the men: why isn't he even interested in the breakup?

This is the first time that I write something here.

My question is aimed primarily at men.

My partner and I have a lot of problems. We always have arguments that throw the word "separation" into the room (from both sides).

My main concern is that he doesn't want to spend any "active" time with me. That means we're both working, do the housework and the shopping on Saturdays and then go to visit his parents on Sundays. Which is ok, I visit mine indeed.

But yesterday's argument escalated because I told him that it's not just about Sundays. In general, he never says things like "I want to be with you…", so neither "spend the day, cuddling, going out, sex, etc". And then I noticed that all of his plans for the future never conform to mine or even include me: he wants a house, a management position, a dressing room, etc. Then at some point came "yes" (we have been together for 3.5 years). But the phrase "I want xy with you" never came up.

And now that we've been sleeping separately for 2 nights and the word "separation" was uttered, he doesn't even care. We hardly talk and when I do, I talk and try to explain what I mean and he answers in monosyllables. After two sentences, he usually says " I want some rest "(it's Friday now and only spent Monday evening together). So he's not even interested in the clarification. He hangs on the laptop and watches a show and "refers" me to the room.

The solution would be so simple, I just want to hear (not every weekend, not every day, but now and then) that he WANTS the evening or the future with me, but that doesn't get over his lips, he'd rather stay stubborn and we discuss for 2 hours what I should interpret and how and what is meant, instead of him taking me seriously and simply being able to say something nice to me or to say that he wants to have time with me.

We actually spend most of the evenings together at home (especially now during Corona) but the only thing that comes up is the statement "we can do it". He says he has been formulating this all his life. And when he asks me how at the weekend our weekend planning would look like, that would mean whether we would do something together. Still, the question of "whether" is never the statement, or his desire to WANT to spend time with me.

Is that really asking that much?

I also want to be with him, to spend time with him, I actually wanted to marry him and start a family with him, but every now and then I would just be happy to hear that he had something to do with me too want. And according to my understanding and my experience, a man who loves says that too.

I thank you guys already, maybe someone can help me to understand my (still) partner.

I think he doesn't want to make promises and stay flexible e.g. He doesn't want to say that he will build a house in the future. It may be that in the future circumstances change so that building a house requires a lot of energy. But you have heard of him before and then you will ask him to do so.

I think his drive has been erased. He has come into an energy-saving mode.

What is he doing at home? Sitting around

Thanks for your answer.

Well, he wants to build the house and rooms for clothes, floating stairs, material things.

But what worries me is that with all these performances there was never a clear announcement that he will also see a life partner or children (let alone me) in the future.

Right now, because his team sport does not take place and he only has 3 friends who live further away, he sits around at home and looks at any display (MacBook, IPhone, iPad or TV, the main thing is a screen).

At the moment it's too much, you can't make anything big anyway and if you're constantly on the hunt… The cabin fever is near. For fundamental discussions, it's just extremely unfavorable. Relaxed / easy is nothing right now and before you twist the words in your throat. Is not!

Don't put everything on the gold scales right away.

in the foreseeable future you will have to clarify this between you, but now it is going wrong.