I have a relatively large group of families and friends, with children of various ages.
Time and again I experience how parents do not turn down a single wish of their child / children. Everything the child wants, he gets.
Be it a pet (shortly after the purchase, only the parents pay for the care of the animal), a big excursion, several expensive hobbies, shoes from 200 euro, jackets or clothing in general in this price range and up, huge trampoline, huge pool in the garden, a high-quality laptop for your 11th birthday, the latest iPhone… And much more.
These things don't always happen on special days, like birthdays or Christmas.
The parents are perfectly normal earners, but make all of these things possible. But why so extreme? Do parents want to compensate something? Or show other parents: I can make everything possible for my child!
Then the parents pretend that they are not granting their child's every wish by waiting weeks for the wish to come true. They imagine they are strict parents who don't let the child dance on their heads!
Have you also experienced such situations?
It used to be like this: if the parents said no, it really was a no! They didn't give in and the child accepted it and didn't get any harm from it.
Why has that changed so much? You'd think the kids are the bosses at home.
I don't think that it is necessarily normal to grant every wish. At least I see that less in my environment. However, you might To interpret some of it that way, even though it wasn't meant to be.
Expensive hobbies e.g. Can simply be there to enable the child to do something that will accompany them for a long time and from which they can benefit; e.g. My siblings and I all play at least one instrument and I've ridden for years. My parents saw something positive in this for our development.
Many also buy high-priced shoes and jackets because they are of higher quality. If it's just about any wishes for cool clothes, of course it's stupid.
I assume the parents want the pool in the garden too, and I don't see a problem with a large trampoline. At least the child can let off steam and is still in the fresh air.
Well, the newest iPhone and laptop are often actually very exaggerated. However, I only know one person who actually always got the latest model from their parents. Others get this paid for by their parents every few years, if at all; most of them have to pay for it themselves.
And of course, everyday objects don't necessarily have to be available for Christmas or a birthday. Nevertheless, it can't be ruled out that it can be given as a special gift. And sometimes you want to make your child happy too.
Of course, I can't judge how extreme that is in your circle of acquaintances. And I sometimes also find that you see really extremes where I'm amazed at what parents think - some may give their children a lot because their job means they have little to do and want to compensate for it (of course it is not Well). But my observation is that in most families this is nowhere near as extreme as you describe it. And there are good reasons behind some of these gifts.
I have also found that parents nowadays say NO less often and, in my opinion, they give children far too much or let them get away with gifts, but also leave them more to themselves and spend less time with them. Unfortunately!
When our children were little, that was a while ago, there were only presents on Christmas, birthdays, communion, confirmation… But back then it was already the trend that parents gave their children presents for Easter, St. Nicholas… At Easter I only gave a small basket with eggs and biscuits and for Santa Claus there was only nuts and mandarins and a little chocolate Nicholas.
Our children were also amazed when they heard from their classmates that they had received so many gifts.
Easter and Nicholas are not the day of presents, just Christmas. I think it's totally exaggerated!
You have the wrong circle of acquaintances - I would say. I do not know this phenomenon.
They didn't give in and the child accepted it and didn't get any harm from it.
Have you observed every child over a longer period of time to see whether they actually suffered no harm as a result? 😉 I would be surprised. Because nobody does that. Many here claim that children do not suffer under certain circumstances. It doesn't have to be true.
No, I'm not advocating the infinite wish-fulfilling! But I compare that to being beaten by the parents. Many a child suffered and still suffer from it - with absolute certainty. Yes, my comparison may be wrong here. I just want to emphasize that what matters to me is that not every child is free of suffering. Which child now suffers because they can't get the 200-euro-expensive shoes? To say simply that no child suffers is wrong, I think.
And the child is driven to school even though the bus stop is only a stone's throw away. Well, this is understandable now because of Corona, but the children were also driven to school before Corona. The child could catch a cold or be harassed on the bus, etc.
The child is brought up to be lazy. How is it supposed to cope later in professional life?
Hey I'm 13 and of course I can't compare it to before. But I also have the feeling that many get their wishes fulfilled. I do some too.
But my father is very strict about some things. I got my first cell phone for my 13th birthday, and that was only on condition that my grade point average was better than 1.5. It wasn't a newly bought cell phone, but an old one from my father. I was still incredibly satisfied because it's an iPhone 7 and of course that's enough, it could have been much worse.
Otherwise I (and my siblings as well) don't get a lot bought, just for my birthday and Christmas, in my case that is usually about 5 books (because I love books more than anything) and maybe a board game or something. But no technology.
We also have "screen-free weekends", which my father just does every now and then without notice, on those days there's nothing with a screen (including no television).
Well, things don't go as you describe it for everyone, but maybe such children just stand out much more easily. In addition, the standard of living has increased, in the past you simply couldn't afford to grant your child these wishes, but if the parents had been able to, they might have done it too.
I just think you can't generalize that, and both still exist today. One must also not forget that child poverty still exists in Germany and that some parents could not even send their children on school trips without help.
The result of this will be shown by the offspring becoming insatiable and barely able to maintain a reasonable level. It's not doing children a favor!
I once worked in a children's shop and often saw that even the little ones hit their parents without their father and mother reacting negatively. On the contrary, the children were comforted for their wrongdoing.
I have also seen children rude abuse to parents like "A-hole" because something was not allowed without a negative reaction to it.
If children like that start beating their parents at the age of 12 or 14, no one should be surprised.
Certainly you can and should spoil your child from time to time, but within a reasonable framework.
It is very important to set limits for children and to be and remain consistent.
If you are interested, you can read this article:
https://www.blick.ch/community/gewaltsame-erziehungsmethoden-in-der-schule-er-hat-das-buch-auf-ihrem-kopf-zertruemmert-id16205391.html
Well, that has nothing to do with parental upbringing, but it is still interesting, as my father is also left-handed, for example. He told me a lot there.
I don't have any children myself, but in the restaurant where I work I keep watching the parents pampering their children. The children sit in front of the tablets all the time, toddlers too and everyone has their own (!), And gawk in them all the time.
When I consider that we always went on an excursion with our grandparents on Sundays…
I always read this "children are driven to school" on the internet, but never see it in real life?! Actually everyone takes the bus or, in my city, the tram, a small part also takes the bike…
In our city, no children who come from town take the bus, they are all brought in by car. Then the parents just stop in front of me without blinking and I can't get out of the way so quickly, then the doors open to the left and right and children rush out, even though I'm overtaking my bike. Then the car simply continues to drive without blinking and I have to swerve quickly so that I'm not run over.
Because that happens every day, I now choose a different route to my job, but it is a big detour.
Exactly, a small part rides a bicycle, and a little more stand at the stops.
But stand in front of a school in the morning. There's literally all hell going on! I prefer to drive the child to class.
In the afternoon after school all hell breaks out again…
But stand in front of a school in the morning.
I'm a student, I stand in front of a school every morning. ^^
actually, I only ever see the teachers' cars (who of course take them with them if they have children at school) and very few cars belonging to parents who actually brought their children. But it is less common. By the way, I was also driven to school for a year because school was on my father's way to work and he was driving his car anyway, so that made sense and saved money. As soon as that was no longer the case, the bike was back in use or public transport. So I would assume with the few students who will be driving that there might be a reason for some of them. Wouldn't everyone lump it together. Most of them actually come by public transport, that's just not as noticeable as the cars. At least that's my experience.
Different from the USA, where every student at 16 drives their own car. ^^
