I have the following problem and would like your opinion.
For almost 3 years I have a relationship and was happy until a few months ago. My girlfriend is a very determined and jealous person. She would most like to do something with her or alone. Not with friends. There you have something against it. There was stress on a regular basis and I always have to prove to her that I'm true and that she is the most important thing in my life, etc.
Now, a few months ago, I got cancer and had a pretty heavy chemo behind me. I was often longer in the KH. But even there came reproaches, how she is so lonely and alone. I was really struggling and I told her - please meet with friends, you do not have to sit alone all the time -. I'm normally tolerant about this. She refused to meet with friends because she can't do that while I'm suffering, etc.
But of course, the pressure in addition to the chemo increased that my girlfriend is lonely and unhappy. But conversely, when I had better days, she was too tired, did not feel like translating, we barely saw each other.
She regularly went abroad to her mother, I was not allowed to go because of family matters. Once we booked a guesthouse there - she canceled without talking to me about it.
I was disappointed, as I could have needed a few days off.
Well, anyway, we have this year in August Crete booked. She has me to look again at the flight times. She took a shower and I sat in front of the laptop. Then it happened - I searched in the course of the booking and saw at least 5 Daitingsseiten. Where she was registered everywhere and flirting sites etc.
For me, a world collapsed. I told her at the beginning of the relationship that I was gone when she fooled me. So it was - without much words I went. Since then radio silence. She tried to "excuse her" or go (no idea), yes, she looked around because she was so unhappy, etc.
Now the holiday fell into the water, I'm quite hurt. Especially because she was always so extremely jealous.
But I can't see over it. I'm blocked internally.
Am I exaggerating? Does anyone understand me?
She looked around because she is so unhappy? What is that answer?
You have cancer and she has nothing better to do than to nip you full, that she is alone at home instead of helping you to worry about you?
When things get difficult, does she look around?
This is not your wife for life, it means in good as in bad days. If she can't do that, you should go immediately. Do not make it harder for you.
No you are not exaggerating and I understand you too. It is similar to me only without cancer.
Either she has been looking for something new for some time, or she has written off the diagnosis of cancer in the room. So she has not seen any future and at least at such moments, almost all go. Which is pretty sad and in my opinion unforgivable. If she loved you, she would stay. And with the dating sites she has shot down the bird anyway. Apparently, you were never really important to her and I would not cling to her even if it hurts. All the best
You're not exaggerating.
Your girlfriend seems to be very selfish. Instead of being there for you, she does "her thing".
For me there's nothing to forgive.
All the best for the future.
I do not understand why you did not leave much earlier! You can't have a normal relationship with this woman. That's obvious!
It is completely self-centered and needs excessive attention and confirmation. She does not seem to have self-esteem and self-confidence!
You have cancer and she reproaches you for being alone because you are in the hospital! Every normal person thinks to himself "Is the woman still ticking properly?".
That with the dating sites was certainly not the first time. And that with the "family matters" is also not normal! You will not be happy with such a person. She always needs attention and confirmation, and if she does not get it from you, she'll pick her up somewhere else.
This person just sucks you out until you're done! Forget about it and delete it completely from your life! She has problems, but these are YOUR problems and NOT your problems! There are therapies for that!
You should now take care of YOUR health only and alone! That's the most important thing now! And then, when you feel better again, you should look ahead and look for a friend who is mentally healthy!
Now it is that she accuses me of being unfair and stubborn. I would not have given her the opportunity to explain herself and she loves you so much and she has been waiting for months and can't anymore. We wanted to move together. I bought a house. Of course everything came to a standstill through the chemo. And I was too weak to think about how to make the new house, etc.
That's not the beginning of the story. Rather the final point. Before that, there were always problems. Because of every little thing there was stress. Of course, we were both under pressure.
Now it is so that the cancer has spread and the prognosis is not rosy. I try to be strong and be there for my children as long as possible. The youngest is only 10 and they only have me.
My children wanted to invite me on vacation. One week Croatia. Only me and the children. She did not understand that at all. She completely freaked out. I would never stand by her. What is nonsense. But the children also got that we always have stress. Last year I went home with my kids on the third day of vacation because she was so freaked out. This year, the children no longer wanted a holiday together.
Will I reconcile myself on the basis of the prognosis? I really have no plan…
I understand you very well. Regardless of the dates I would have advised you to separate. The fact that this is still added makes for me the separation definitely.
1) and that is the most important point for me. When you were seriously ill and needed her participation, she was not there for you. During your terrible time, with fear of the future and pain and nausea, you still had to go through your moaning.
2) your jealousy will not work. What do you want to do alone in the exit
3) also that she would rather spend time with her family without you is not a good sign. The action with the holidays in their homeland is incomprehensible.
Hopefully you are at least health better. You now need your strength alone for you. Everything, love and continue to get well soon
Dear Robin123robin,
Excuse me: But are you stupid? Do you still want to apologize to her because you have cancer?
Sorry, but the prognosis is another reason not to reconcile with her! You are sick and could now use a partner who is there for you! But what does this woman who supposedly loves you do? She blames YOU for not taking care of her!
I wonder what you think or have thought? She is not the only woman on earth! Why are you holding on to her? How can you stand this for 3 years? A woman who is jealous of your own children!
Do not be angry with me, but the woman is sick! And she needs a therapy! But that is not YOUR problem! And it's not your job to take care of her! And it's not your job to live your life just because she can't control her jealousy and inferiority complexes.
Remove them from your life immediately and completely and use the time to spend them with your children! Go on vacation together and be there for each other! Your children need you as a father and the love of your children is worth a thousand times more than just spending another second with this woman!
It sucks you and robs you of the life energy and the strength you need to get well! Now it's all about you! She has to see where she stays!
