For me, when I come home from school (I'm 16) I don't have a key and have to wait until my father opens it. He then waits in front of the door at a specified time because I'm not allowed to touch the door. When we go up the stairs I'm also not allowed to touch anything and in our hallway I can only walk with slippers. I have to wash my hands all the time, but I'm not allowed to wash them myself, because according to him the tap would be dirty. So I have to soap my hands and my father turns on the tap and when I'm done he turns it back on. The same applies to brushing your teeth or washing your hands after using the toilet. There have been moving boxes everywhere in our apartment for several years that simply can't be cleared. We also have no kitchen or refrigerator, which contributes to an unhealthy diet. Food must be consumed quickly and it is stored in my room. I have asked my father several times to set up the kitchen (I also offer my help). I don't have closets either, my stuff is in bags in my room. If I dared to take anything out of the boxes / pouches, I would face sanctions as they are "dirty". In general, I'm often threatened or shouted at. There are arguments like I'm not bad and I also have stuff that not many have (yes that's right, I recently got a notebook as a present, but not from my father but from my grandparents). But that's nothing compared to the fact that I've lived like a normad for most of my life. We moved safely 11x because something was disgusting about the apartment or the area. And nothing was always done… There were always things like Furniture not set up or toys still stored in boxes at the time so that I could not play with it. We have been living in this apartment since 2016 and it still looks like 2-3 weeks after moving in. Carpet is partly. My bed and table are set up and there's light. But otherwise most of it is still packed and now we want to move again against my will and as always I'm promised that everything would get better and my father would arrange everything nicely. But I just don't believe that anymore. My father is so lazy. No work and lives from HARTZ IV. He is at home all day on social media and after school (sometimes 7-9 hours) I should go shopping and do other errands. Sure there are always nice moments, but actually I have never seen friends that they are so limited by the need for cleanliness on the one hand and "laziness" on the other hand by the father. I hope I was able to sort my thoughts and explain my situation in an understandable way. About Help I would be happy.
You have expressed yourself very well and a big compliment to yourself for your language and spelling!
Your text is almost unbelievable! Of course I believe you - just because your statements are so well worded! But it's terrifying to read how you're doing! No, thats not normal. This is out of touch with the world and not understandable!
My advice: contact the youth welfare office! Describe everything as you wrote it here. Your parents must be taught how to raise children lovingly and not how to wash the hands of a 16 year old! I'm shocked what some parents think of!
I'm really sorry that you have to grow up like this. And I think it's great that you dare to talk about it here.
If you want to get out of there, you should go to the youth welfare office, they will help you! Your father has a problem and you can't help it. I think it's a shame that your mother doesn't intervene but lets you do it with her.
I wish you the best and that you dare to turn on the youth welfare office. This is not a condition in which a child should grow up.
Are you depressed!
This reads as if your father has a psychosis, you will not be able to change anything because he must come to the understanding that he needs therapy.
But for you it is not portable, it is not possible. Living and eating must be guaranteed and it is not. Transferring his compulsory washing to you is also not possible. You should take the step to the youth welfare office, because you wrote very well here, you could show it like that.
Please get help, it is not right that you have to live like this.
The problem is, my mother doesn't live with my father and can't keep him in my place.
You don't want to move to your mother or wouldn't you? That would also be an alternative if you want it to.
Thanks for your answer, but do you think there's also a way to cure the compulsion to wash?
I don't want to have a life like that either. I feel very sorry for you. Your father seems to live under constraints that he has no control over.
You write about grandparents. Is there a chance you can move in with them? You can then arrange an appointment with your father for joint activities.
Your father will not get better without therapy. I don't think he's lazy, but sick. He puts so much energy in his phobias that he has no strength left for the rest.
Thank you very much. I will really do it soon. Thank you very much for the help. PS: I accidentally pressed "Not helpful" for you. Please forgive me, I actually wanted to press "Helpful", but I went wrong.
That would really be an alternative, but I don't see it that often. But I'll ask him sometime.
Only with professional help, it also takes years. If you could live with your grandparents for so long, it would be much better for you. You need a regulated, normal environment.
In any case, you should. Depending on how you understand yourself, according to your descriptions, she will definitely not mind and act quickly
I'm considering either my grandparents or my mother.
Unfortunately, this is necessary. Sometimes you have to protect yourself.
All good! In itself, I find this rating system for A but good: Some probably need it. I give nothing on the points! I think comments are more important and yours was nice!
Your parents have a real problem, mainly your father. I think he has constraints that he can't avoid. It is unbelievable that he is transferring this to you, but he can probably not help it, he is sick! He would need medical attention, absolutely.
Unfortunately I can't give you any better advice than moving out at the age of 18 or going to the youth welfare office now so that you can get out of this environment, but then you have your parents against you, which is also difficult.
You are now at an age when you understand all of this and you realize that your home environment is not normal.
